bashoooshi's space

*sigh* ... being 20 SUX!!!!! i hate being 20!!!!  LITERALLY!!!! turning 20 is like a curse.... perphaps turning a year older has made me wiser in a sense, it gave me a whole new perspective on life.... a dark perspective that is.... turnin 20 taught me the curse of LIFE!!!!!

 

man i dont think anything of what im sayin or am goin to say is gonnna make any sense n frankly i dont give a shit... i just need to let all this out or some of it... i dont know who to talk to.... i dont know who to consult.... more importantly will anyone listen to me? maybe they would but theyd either walk away thinkin im a nutcase *in which most cases i am* or i would frighten em with what i have to say... ive become somewhat of a philosopher with dark thoughts... which is i know unhealthy... but do u think i WILLINGLY and INTENTIONALLY wanna be like i am now? no... i dont... thats why im sooo lost in my own prison.... I wish whats imprisonin me would let me go free but... what is holding me in my prison of agony are facts, the truth, life itself.....

 

ironic aint it... they say the truth will set you free? live life to the fullest.... but what is life? n what is the truth.... everything infront of me looks like it is made from dust n ash ... fragments of the past.... the past.... *sigh* man... i cant even say what i wanna say here... hhahahah.... i cant... hahahah T_T

 

this is not just some random spur of the moment sort of thing... i didnt just start feelin this now... this has been happening for a long time now... ever since i turned 20.... i thought coming home will help relieve me of this,.. but honestly it has just made things worse... T_T

 

let me just say this.... life is not pretty anymore.... there is nothing beautiful about it.... there is nothin to life.... just like there is nothin in death.....

 

the only thing thats keeping me sane is my belief in god and my love for those i hold dear.... thats the only thing thats makin me hold onto my sanity....

 

you might be thinkin ohhh i know whats her problem... i got is all solved,... well let me tell you u even have the sllightest idea of what im thinkin and what im goin through.... im not afraid of ME disapearing... im afraid of the people around being gone, being no more,,,, and what frightens me even more is how we are able to move on... we cry we grief we feel lonely but somehow we make it through..... thats the beauty of being human,,, the ability to move on... to  me its just a curse.... an irony of life....

 

even with me statin that... that aint a fraction of whats goin inside me.... it aint even a fraction.... *sigh*

 

hahahahhahahahahahaha

 

even this bloody blog whos gonaa read it???.... uknow the funny thing.... this blog might even outlast me ahahhaha....

 

maybe im a psycho hahahah... but id like to think of myself as a rather complicated person who just thinks deep *dispite her own will* .... an extremly sensitive being hahahha....

 

i dont think no one will ever come to know the real me.... never.... n perphaps thats a good things... i shall just carry my unshared burden deep within the depths of my soul..... n just wander through this thing called life.... with the eyes of an observer.... because thats is what i have become... an observer.... for i am unable to live life the way i used to to.....

 

 

 

Hey minna-san.... how r u guys doin?

 

must be havin fun celebratin eid n all yah? omg i miss eid well not really i juts luv the atmosphere n the shoppin after gettin cash theres smthin abt it that makes it special not just the shopin thing the whole mood n atmosphere of eid... yest i didnt even feel like it was even eid at all!!!!

 

nways EID MUBARAK !!!!!!

 

okz .... guys plz take ma DAEMON test lol.... usee got this email from newlineproductionz abt this new movie called THE GOLDEN COMPASS ... watched the trialer the movie is well same theme as narnia in a way but loookz really coool... n well in the movie ur soul exists outside ur body in the form of an animal n i did this test n ma daemon turned out to be a LYNX.... yay!!!! damn cute arnt they ahhaha... so u just hafta take the test n see if the lynx is the best for me... n DONT CHEAT hahahahha

 

well lets see... the holz have been a blast lotsa stuff have been happenin ... sleeping over, movie nights, partyin, cookin wid friendz, n just hangin out .... LOADZ OF FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

n lol yest... guess where we went ... we went to the cemetry haahhaha... well see this is what happened... we *being feli, herman, gab n me* wanted to watch a horror movie BUT noone had any horor movies so hermanw as like lets experiance the real thing n go to the cemetry.... we thought he was jokin but he was dead serious n we were like okz lets go... shanah were on a school field trip lol.... nways anthiny joinz us as well n we head off to the cemetry... which aint that far *not coool*

 

so nyways on our way there herman all of sudden goes... shit were odd numbered *menain it aint good to go to such places in odd numberz* n then he was like okz we either loose one of us or we gain smone *meanin u know what ... n it aint ramadan nymore*

 

n on our way there i was like prayin n sayin allahuma sakinehum fe masakinahum *ignore the spellin but uknow what i mean lah* so nways the area the cemetry we were in was like spooky much in inah ohhh ghost ect ect... menaing itz in this downtown area chanah downtown LA which aint goood.... hahaha n we finally reach the cemetry n it HUGE!!!! it goes on forever n i can believe ppl live across it ..... freaky man

 

so anyways theres no entry n we were just walkin along it n there herman way like guys tada!!!! ... n he found this gap in the fence *btw theres a fenca hahahah* n we were like ur kiddin n hes like no ect ect... n the next thing i know is that im standing in front of the gap n look inside *i seriously thought we were goin in*.... n i wa sin deep thought n thinkin when all of sudden herman yanked my hand n i was like huh whatz goin on.. aparently feli called my name a couple of time n i didnt hear her doin so... n they just said smonez there thats it... n then we were runnin across the road n i wa slike huh what happend.... n then i figured out that there was smone there but at the same time there wasnt cuz i couldnt see but there was smone there *uknow what im gettin at *

 

nways kinda freaky but interestin night... n then we watched silence of the lamb not really as good as ppl say honestly... hahahha whatta way to spend the first day of eid hahahaha... aint i right feli hehehehe

 

nway dnt 4get to take ma test heheheh

 

lotsa luv n huggles

saku ur hentailicous fwend *mwah*

heya minna-san:

 

how you guys doing? howz everything? .... started uni yah.... lotsa work already hehehhe GAMBATE minna....

 

how many of u guys actually read this? i wonder hehehehhe

 

lifez been okz these days even though my mindz basically messed up... hehehe but havin fun ... uknow how carefree i can get sometimes n that scares me hahahaha

 

im on holz now... itz quite fun.... ive been out shoppin wid feli, omg i bought this fossil bag I LOVE IT!!!!! ... ive also been sunbathin @ lygon park wid feli lol, went to t.g.i fridays yummm i ate till i couldnt breathe hahahhaha

 

beeen hanging out with the als watchin movies ect ect... on sat i had a sleepover was loadz of fun feli made sushi n choco pudding n i cooked veggie bake, soanish potato with a special salsa, n penne pasta with prawnz in a creamy lie sauce YUMMMMM

 

lol it was fun played twister n all.. u can see all the picz on fb =P

 

ive been having loadz of fun that i forgot all abt chemmmmmmmmmmmmmm ahhhh

 

inshallah from today onwardz ill be goin tot he library everyday to study wish me th ebest of luck minna... n gluck to u bakaz too hehehheeh

 

i miss home.... n ramadan ... ramadan here soooo NOT COOL!!!!

 

nothin special to talk abt guys.... hehehhe

 

cya around... miss u all

 

mwaaaaaaaaaaaah

Minna-san:

 

Genke' des-ka? havent written a blog here in a long LONG time... well u see im confused cuz i just wanna have one blog  ... first i started writting here n then i was like ill write in facebook instead since quiet of u baka'z r there BUT not all of youll and SOME of u *uknow who u are * dont wanna join facebook so might as well right here ne'? 

 

well first off... RAMADAN MUBARAK!!!! ... omg i miss ramadan back home... the atmosphere over here is sooooo NOT ramadan-like... you dont feel hmmm the *holi-ness* of the month??!!! itz like ohhhh itz ramadan okz fast... but back home u feel it, u really feel that itz ramadan... everybodyz goin IM HUNGRY!!! hahahah .... n then we get home sit around, wait for fe6oor n then when itz sundown n prayer time we break our fast in front of the tv most of the time lool.. uknow u hafta watch the seriez hahhaahha... n then enjoy the rest of the day n @ night u pray, go to the mosque, read quran ect ect... it really is a holy month not like here.... omg i sooo miss ramadan this is my 2nd yr havin such a sad ramadan  

 

i want yedooos 5anferooosh *legaimat* ... i wanna eat caramel, i want sweetz, hress, ect ect I WANT

 

minna-san send for me .... through DHL or FEDEX haahhAHA

 

ahhhh.. well should i give u a summary of ma life so far hahahaha?

 

okz the biggest news i have.. which some of u already know... is that im FINALLY over *well u know who * ... omg itz been a yr already ahhh too long ... it took me a mental breakdown, depression, a few *well alot* of tearz here n there to get over him but im finally over him hahahahha.... so MABROOOOOOK to sarooooo

 

BUT why does this always happen yah? I always end up in a one-sided love... am i like cursed or what? hahah remember 5LD??? omg 4 fucking yrz ive been into him for four fuckkin yrz of ma life .... 4 yrz of my one-sided feelingz hahahahah... n this time one yr hahahha... man i SUCK!!!! well it showz im da loyal type n dont just *switch* b/w ppl until ive completely dealt wid ma feelingz hahahaha... even though their fruitless one-sided lovz hahahaha...

 

well enough of my sad n lonely luv life... most of ull are all too familiar wid it hahahhaha....

 

hmmm did anything intresting happen recently happen? hmmm not really other than my usual stupidity that gets me into trouble hahahah... lool listen to this feli n i were in QV *a really lousy mall* ... n we were walkin n this punk/rock guy passed us guy n feli was like...

 

 

im laughin ma head off n felis cursing me as we exit QV n then all of a sudden this really REALLY WIERD guy popz up infront of us in a tight baby-blue track suit, red cape, and sunglasses *btw it was @ night*....

 

 

saku n feli run wid saku laughin her head offf....

 

one day cuz of my stupidity n loud voice ima gonna get killed... remember the fuck u incident lol that was dangerous but hahahahha sooo much fun....

 

feli darling if ur readin this..... no worries u wont die cuz of me

 

oh yah we have this trinity BALL coming up... i wanna go but heard not alot of ppl r goin.. donno... but i wanna go hahahahah itd be cool if i had a date but saku being saku.. meaning medusa being medusa thats most likely not gonna happen hahahaha... anyways i was searching for an evening dress n was talking to roodhoo n she said hey check out zuhair murad pret a porter *smthing like dat lol*.... i saw it... n i have only one thing to say well actually 2 ... no wait 3 .... GORGEOUS!!!! I... WANT!!!!!!!!

 

omg his dresses r like sooo fuckingly gorgreous i want em... i wanna wear it for the ball like so badly sooo nice i want!!!! but nothin here... clothes here suxz man...

 

uknow what im supposed to be doin now... STUDYING FOR MA LIT EXAM hahahahah... but im not in the moood!!!! i wrote out the plan but i cant seem to write the essay anyways cant writte the damn thing n then memorize alot of ppl do dat but i cant !!!! memorizing an essay for an exam sooo not me... hahahaha i have too much confidence what

 

what else do u guys wanna know yah? cantt hink of anything else to say hahahha... if u comment n ask smthin ill definatly answer n write n essay of what u want on da Q hahahah u know how saku can go on forver n say nothin but say alot hahahahah

 

ahhh hafta get back to lit man...

 

 

lit here i come mwhahahahaha

 

 

first off what I wanna say is : " I'VE NEVER EVER STUDIED SOOO MUCH OR SOOO DILIGENTLY IN MA ENTIRE LIFE BEFORE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

well thats what happenz when i mess up on ma examz hahahhhahahaha... okz chem n math was expected but I'm very very dissapointed with my HOI... like sooo depressed.... n if I fuck-up this essay im DEAD!!!!!!!!!!


I miss home.... well home is as chaotic as usual well if it werent it wouldnt be my home hahahah peace doesnt last long in our house but thats what makes it soooo COLORFUL n make it a place I can call HOME hahahhahahahhha...


like seriously i miss ma fam, ma frenz, all da animalz, n mostly ma lil brooo khalifa OMG MISS HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! He's the cutest thing on da planet >.<...


OH i have this lil story about him, well lotsa stories actually but this ones hmmmmm intresting?


I was on da phone wid him *btw hes only 7 =P * and I cant remember what we were talking about.... but I asked him if he knowz any BAD words and he said ummm bone-head? Banana-brain.... I laughed n said "NO, muchkin *my nick for him* i mean really BAD words" n he laughed n said "umm i donno" me... "hhhahaha i know you know so just tell me, i wont tell mom"... n then he was like " ummm FUCKER!!!!" ... i cracked up laughing XD.... n then said "oiii infront of me its okz to say whatever u want but dont say dat word infront of mom she'll yell at you" ... n he was like " like duhhhh, i know"....


oh that reminds me of another incident this was when i was still  backhome... my lil bro was playin his x-box n i passed him n i dooono  i think he lost in da game or smthin n i heard him yell FUCK!!!... i was like (O_O) nahhh I must be imagining things.... so anyways i went to ma pc n he continued playin n then ma big bro passed him n the lil one said fuck again n nasib was like ... did u hear what he said???!!! he said fuck!!!! i was like "ohhh so i wasnt imagining things"... nasib "ohhh so u heard him n didnt say anything"... me" why r u such a moral persn all of a sudden" ... nasib "shut up im tellin mom" .. me "aish let him be " n nasib told ma  mom n ma mom cracked up laughin....


MORAL of the TWO STORIES.. be careful of what kids watch on tv and be  careful if u have a sis like me hahahha


anyways thats just a few cute stores abt ma lil bro hahahahahahhaa..... such an angel ^^


seriouslyyyyyy i miss home!!!!!! oh yah ma fam bought a baby donkey!!!!!!! ahhh not fair they always buy animalz when im not around aishhhhhh... i miss champ (our pup), my cats, n the ferretz hana n yuki OMGGGGGGG theyre soooo KAWAIIIIIIII >.<


okz ebough with the missing home... let me sum up my week....

study...   
study...   
study...   
study...   
study...   
study...   

STUDY!!! 



im gonna die cuz of trinity i havent been out like AT ALLL!!!!!!!!!!! not even for a breather i havet even seen psycic feli... miss u cinta1!!!!!!

sooo gonna BURN TRINITY!!!!!!!

well on the good side becuz of all the studying, stress, depression and loss of appetite ive lost 5kg hahahahhaahaahha... so trinity IS useful for SOMETHING!!!!!!


well I hafta go for math now '''' yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!"" see te
enthusiasm.... enthusaism my ass!!!!

math